


Your Fault

by Spannah339



Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye
Genre: Angst, Gen, Major character death - Freeform, Not A Happy Ending, tw blood, tw suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 01:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17152910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spannah339/pseuds/Spannah339
Summary: Jackieboy Man feels like he keeps failing his family. Inspired by the JSE writer community discord server.





	Your Fault

Magic swirled around, blurring Jackie’s vision as he pushed himself up from where he had been thrown. His hands were shaking and he blinked, staring up at Marvin standing in front of him. 

“What have you done?” he asked, his voice quavering. “Marvin,  _what did you do_.”

He managed to stagger to his feet, one hand clutching his other arm, bruised and battered from being thrown to the ground. Marvin didn’t seem to react, his eyes glowing slightly under his mask.

“This is to  _help_ you Jackie,” Marvin said, magic fire swirling in his hands. “I’m trying to help you.”

“This isn’t helping. Marvin please, listen to me.” Jackie took a step forward and stopped, swaying as his balance betrayed him for a moment. “You’re not helping anyone. Stop listening to him, please.”

“I’ve made you immortal Jackie! I’ve protected you, no one can kill you - you should  _thank_ me.”

Jackie stared at his friend in shock, the world spinning around him. Immortal. Immortal. Immortal. What had Marvin done? Had the spell actually worked? Why was Marvin acting so strange?

“I’ve made you immortal, to protect you.” Marvin’s magic was swirling around him dangerously and Jackie took a hesitant step forward, unsure of what to do. It was clear Marvin was unstable.

“I didn’t ask for this,” Jackie said evenly. “Marvin you need to calm down. Please, just calm down and talk to me about this.” He was scared, scared that Marvin’s spell had worked, scared that Marvin had done something he would regret, scared that Marvin was going to lose control. “Please, settle down.” 

“No! I need to protect you! I need to protect you all! And I will do whatever it takes.” His magic was getting more powerful, more wild. His voice was strained, mad, and Jackie didn’t know what to do. He took another slow step forward, but the magic only swirled more wildly. “Don’t try to stop me, Jackieboy. This is what I’m supposed to do. I will show everyone that I am useful! I am important. I will not let another one of my brothers die.”

“ _You_  are going to die!” Jackie cried, the magic becoming more wild, whipping through the street, tossing his hair into his eyes. “Please Marvin, stop!”

“No,” Marvin snarled, and for a brief moment, his eyes glowed green. Jackie took a step back, half blown by the power of the magic, raising a hand to protect his face.

“Marvin!” he shouted. Everything happened so fast - a flicker, a glitch, a glint of a knife. Jackie lunged forward, shouting something, but an explosion rocked the world, throwing him back. He slammed into a wall, the wind knocked out of him and slid to the ground, blood dripping down his face.

He took a shuddering breath, blinking back tears and pushing himself to his knees. He staggered, leaning against the wall and taking in what had happened. It looked like a bomb had gone off, charred road and chunks of sidewalk thrown into buildings. Marvin was nowhere to be seen, but where he had stood was the centre of the explosion.

“No,” Jackie whispered, pushing himself away from the wall. “No. Marvin, no!” He stumbled forward, moving faster as he hurried to where Marvin had stood. Collapsing to his knees, he shook his head, staring at the slightly singed and smoking mask that lay in the centre of the road. “No.”

He had failed. He had failed again.

The house was quiet when he stumbled home. That wasn’t surprising. Chase was probably out looking for JJ - he usually was. Or drinking.

He didn’t even bother checking the severity of his wounds. Didn’t even bother changing out of his suit. Still clutching Marvin’s mask, he stumbled into Jack’s room and collapsed into a chair beside the motionless figure. Part of him was surprised Jack was still alive. He had been reluctant to leave him, with Henrik… with Henrik gone, but he had to at least try to bring Marvin home.

He had failed again. He had failed like he had failed to save Henrik. He had failed like when he had failed to stop JJ from going missing. He had failed like when he had failed to protect Jack. He had failed, again and again.

A knock on the door caused him to look up, rubbing his wet eyes. Chase cracked the door open and stepped inside, bringing with him a strong scent of alcohol. His eyes were bloodshot, and Jackie wondered when the last time he had slept was.

“D’ja find’im?” Chase slurred, stumbling into the room. Jackie didn’t answer, wordlessly holding out the mask. Chase was silent for a long time, then nodded, once, shortly. He turned and left the door slamming behind him. Jackie flinched but didn’t look away from the mask in his hand.

_Failed. Failed. Failed. Failed._

He drifted into a slight doze, unsettled and filled with dreams. His friends, calling out to him, begging for him to save them. But he was unable to move, unable to protect them. Always present were the glitches, glitches flickering through his dreams, dancing through his mind. And that laugh, the giggling laugh of a monster who knew he had won.

Then suddenly, Jackie was standing before the glitch. He clenched his fists, taking a deep breath and glaring at him.

“This is your fault,” he said shortly. Anti snickered, his head glitching to one side.

“I҉̤͉̖̫͙̝ͅs̰̩̤͕̮ͅ ̫̳̪̺͞i̞̮̙̬̯͈ͅt̹̤̩̫͉͓?̩̥̭̤̟̬͈͠ ̲̫̗ͅA̱̮͇n̸̮̗ḓ̩̟̭̬ ̶̬̰͉̗y̟͉͓̤͓͡o̜͟u̗̫̺͍͘ͅ r̺̪̲̮͙e̷̬̜a̬͈͎͇͕͇̯l͈͎l҉͉̬̘͇͖y ̖͎̦͙̺͖͈n͕͙̺̗̦͕e̤̫e͓̹d̴̠̪̼̯ ̰̺̬t̩͈̦̣o͕̺͍̰̬̳ ̨̭̙͙̖̼k̝͖̥͓͖̱̙e̸̲̱͖e̢̮ͅp͕̥̦̥̯ ̬a͢n̙̘͉͎ ̦̠ey̼͇̮̳͚͚̮e̝̯̯͖̤̙ ̯̞̱o̶̩̘͔̻̜̤͚n͔̹̟͓ ̠̭̰̜̫̤B̜̲̺̞̭̖̟r͡od̰̤͇̻y̯̻̹͘.̹̖̻̩͝ ̩͕̻W͎ẖ̢͎̟̹͎͎o͈̳ ̣͍̜̰͎͕k̖̩̤̣̗̱͘n̠͇̳͉̞o̜̮̕w̳͔ș̙̱͔ ͎͜w̮̥̼̘ḩa͕͎̖͙͈̪̠t̥͕͓̩̭͍ ͍̻͜h͕̺̦̯e̘͕̲̼̪̩̹’̺l͈̹̬͈̠l ̬͝d̫̮o̖̣̮̬͉͚̦.̡̘̦̥̮͉ͅ ̨̣̞̖” He giggled, a sound that sent terror shooting through Jackie.

“What have you done.”

“M̘e̴͚̣̩̻͎̖?̠̦̦͔ ̻̝̫͖̩̦N̛͚o̤̳t͍͘h̸̖i̛̲̻ͅn͓̬̩g̢̙.̴̣͓̬̭͖̞̺ ̖͉̱̘̺̳̟I̹͙̖͈̦t̥'̝̤̲s̭͓ ̯̰̙w̴̖ḫ͔ą͇͚̖͍̩̩t̲̬͔͍̰ ̦͎̻͉͞ _h͓ḛ͚̞̱̤͠_  ͜w͏i̟̟̞͓̮͘l̸̬̳̙l͍̮̤͕͈̬̹ ͖̫͕̱̘̼̘d̰͎̼͉̯̣o̹͠ ̖t̩̤̝͙̳͕͜ͅẖ̠̟̹͘a̢͖̣̱̫ṱ͇͙̼̯͎̜ ͜y͘o͈̣u̡̬ ̙̕s͠ͅh̴̟oṷ̣̠̟̱ld ͚͡b̨͖̯͚e ̴͕̟̭̹̯̙w̠͖̙o̹̱̻͓̥̭̰rr̸̼̤̫͍͙̯̖i̗̗̙ed͇̳̠͈̫̳ ͢a̡̳̩͇͉̺b̟͇̥̺̗͈̗͝o̯̤̰͔͖̬̕u̘̻͘ṱ̴͓̞̬̰.̰”

Jackie sucked in a breath, looking around wildly. Anti giggled again, advancing with a knife glinting in his hand.

“B̠͙̠͇e̼̟͚͈̟̹͘t̘̱͔͢ṯ̪er ̶̮r̫̪̗̟͎̙ͅu̪͖̜̜̯͡n͙̺̜͔͈̖̪,͉̹͝ ̴̠̯l̬̯̝̗͜i͖̘̮͕͖̘͎t͖̦͚̝̻̼ṯ̘͉̘̦͍̗l͙̳͚͖͇͈̺e̤̺̹̪͇͕̭͝ ̴̘̘̖͍h͈̯̥̥̝͕e̴̫̹̦͓͎r̢̠̰͖̞o̭̘̲.”

Jackie woke with a start, his heart beating quickly. Jack was still sleeping peacefully, his chest rising and falling, his eyes close.

_Run._

He needed to move. Chase was alone - who knows what he would do after the news about Marvin. He needed to find him.

Jackie scrambled to his feet, heart in his mouth as he sprinted through the house. He had to do it, he had to make it, he had to find Chase.

He burst into Chase’s room, almost knocking the door down as he did. Their eyes locked for a brief second, Chase’s face a mask of pain and anger and loss.

The gunshot was the loudest thing Jackie had ever heard. He lunged forward a moment too late, a harsh cry wrenched from his mouth. Just in time to catch Chase’s limp form, blood leaking from his head, gun slipping through his hand.

“No,” Jackie whispered, his legs suddenly unable to hold him. He collapsed to the ground, head spinning, the world seeming fake, distant, unreal.

_Failed. Failed. Failed. Failed._

It couldn’t be real. The next few days passed in a blur, they were unreal, untrue. He was alone. He was adrift. He was a failure. He hadn’t been able to protect his brothers, hadn’t been able to save them. To save any of them.

He drifted. He barely ate, hardly slept. He spent most of his time curled in the chair beside Jack’s bed, keeping him alive, keeping him company. Waiting - for what, he didn’t know.

But one day, his waiting was rewarded. He was jerked out of an uneasy doze by a cough and splutter, the medical devices Jack was hooked up to going crazy. For a moment, he wasn’t sure where he was, then he jumped up, hurrying to Jack’s side.

His eyes suddenly snapped opened, a gasping breath escaping his lips. Jackie stared at him, suddenly hope swelling in his chest. If anyone could bring back his friends it would be Jack. He had to.

“Jack?” he cried, laying his hands on his friend’s shoulder. Jack flailed his arms, eyes wild as he tried to place himself. “It’s me, it’s Jackie, you’re okay.”

Slowly, Jack began to settle, his breath becoming more even as he stared up at Jackie.

“J - Jackie?” he asked, his voice dry and croaky. “W - what happened.”

He pushed himself up, his eyes flickering slightly. Jackie stepped back, emotions swirling in his chest.

“Hey, welcome back,” he said, trying to force a smile. “It…. it was Anti,” he said in answer to Jack’s question. Something flickered across Jack’s face, and he nodded darkly.

“Wh - where’re the others?” he asked, eyes darting around the room.

Jackie stopped, the air being knocked out of him. Of course, Jack would want to know - and he was going to tell him. But he was asking so soon, and Jackie had to answer. Had to tell him what happened. Had to tell him how he had failed.

“I…” he trailed off, unsure of how to begin. “I… I failed them.” He sat down heavily on the bed, unable to meet Jack’s eyes. “I couldn’t…” He trailed off, hesitating for a moment before he looked up at Jack. “You have to bring them back.”

“Wha…?” Jack asked, his mind clearly still foggy. “They’re gone? All of them?”

“Anti got Henrik before any of us could act. JJ vanished, I think he’s dead. Marvin lost control of his magic. Chase shot himself. They’re gone,” Jackie said emotionlessly. He needed to get it out, needed to tell Jack what had happened. It was better this way. “I failed them all. I wasn’t able to protect them.”

Tears pricked his eyes and he looked away, staring at his shaking hands.   
“Please. Please, you have to bring them back.”

“I - I don’t think I can,” Jack said roughly. “They kept living while I was out of action - what happened I had no control over. So I… can’t change anything.”

Jackie felt like his heart had fallen out of him. Everything was spinning, Jack felt distant and far away, his wounds silent.

“No,” he said, turning suddenly. “No, no you  _can’t_  say that. You have to save them. Please! Please, Jack, I don’t know what to do - you’re the only one who can do  _anything_.” He was crying, tears flowing freely down his cheeks, anger boiling just under the surface. He spun on Jack, fists clenched, face stained.

“I’m sorry,” Jack whispered, his own tears shimmering. “There’s nothing I can do.”

Jackie let out a bellow of rage, slamming a fist into the wall above Jack’s head. Jack flinched, coughing suddenly, but Jackie didn’t hear him.

“You’re just like Anti,” Jackie snarled. He stood, unable to be in the same room as Jack. “You’re as bad as him - worse. You don’t care about us. You never had.”

He turned and stormed out of the room, ignoring Jack’s calls. He managed to make it to the bathroom before he collapsed, tears flowing freely, hands shaking, body sobbing.

_Failed. Failed. Failed. Failed. Failed._

“It’s my fault,” he whispered. “My fault. My fault.”

“Yo̴̭̳͎̖̘͇̞u̻͕r̨̲̞̪͍̘̞̙ ̮̤f̬̜͎̙a̞u̗̺l̤̗͉̰͇̟̳͞t͎̩,” a voice whispered, echoing through the room. Jackie looked up, wiping his face and looking around. He pushed himself to his feet, staring at the mirror. Instead of his reflection, he saw Anti, smiling at him, his eyes startling green.

“Wẖ̱̤̠͉a͙͉̥̲̟̖̭ţ̼̟̩̲ ͞a͇̳r̛͚̼̩̪̰e ̸͓̝y͖͍̩̤o̺̭͍̳̳ͅu̞͕ ̢̩̭̬̙̫g͎͈̤̠͈o͚̣̖̗̥̥ͅi̧͚͔͎͍ng̨̦̪͉̳̟ ͈̯̳̮̯̥t̹̲͙̖͉͉͢o̢̩̞͍ͅ ̨̦̲̮͓d͕̖̟̠̼ǫ̠͖̼̼̮̦ ̷̙̤͕ą̭̥̯̥b̫͎͉̥̙̭o̞̤̺͡u̱̼t̰͉̖͓̲͠ͅ ̧͕i͡t̛͍̜̰̙͔̲̼?̞̲̝̤̹̟͓̕” the reflection asked. Jackie looked down, down at the knife resting on the sink. Looking up again, Anti was gone and he was staring at his own reflection.

“My fault,” he whispered, picking up the knife.

“My fault,” he whispered, resting the knife on his throat.

“My fault,” he whispered, pressing down and pulling the knife across his throat.

Pain burst through him, blood running down his neck. For a moment, he was staring at his reflection, then he collapsed, falling to the bathroom floor, lying in a pool of his own blood.

“My fault.”

He woke. The room was small, a simple square room with four walls and no door. Jackie blinked, pushing himself up. He pressed a hand to his neck, pulling it away wet and sticky and covered in blood.

A figure shifted on the other side of the room and he stepped forward, frowning. The figure moved as well, revealing itself to be JJ.

“ **Hello, Jackieboy** ,” JJ said, his speech slide flicking into existence.

“J…” Jackie trailed off, his voice scratchy and painful. He coughed, blood spraying everywhere and tried again, his voice higher and slightly distorted. “JJ? What’re you doing here?”

“ **It’s a circle. And I am here to complete it,** ” JJ said, not meeting Jackie’s gaze.

“What do you mean? Why am I not dead?”

“ **You can’t die** ,” JJ answered. Jackie snarled, balling his fists.

“Let me die!” he shouted. “I need to die! I need to! It’s all my fault, they’re all dead because of  _me_! Why won’t you let me die!”

“ **I can’t, I can’t let you die any more than you can fight your destiny. I am sorry**.”

Jackie’s hands shook, rage filling him. He deserved to die, he had to die, he needed to die. With a shout of rage, he lunged, grabbing JJ around the neck and slapping him into the wall.

“Let. Me. Di̧e̸,” he snarled. JJ didn’t seem phased, shaking his head slowly. His speech slide flickered slightly as he answered.

“ **I wish it could be another way,** ” he said quietly, a single tear sliding down his face. He pushed Jackie back and the hero didn’t resist, stumbling back. JJ pulled out his watch. “ **I am sorry, Jackieboy Man. But the circle must be complete.** ”

The watch hands began turning, moving backwards, spinning faster and faster. The world seemed to spin and Jackie staggered back. He was sucked back, thrown to the ground and the world pulled him into darkness.

He woke again. This time, in a dark room, the only light coming from a screen in front of him. He pushed himself up, remnants of his powers glitching around him. He stepped forward, looking into the screen.

It was the kitchen back home. Jack was making coffee, laughing at something one of the others had said. Schneep was bent over his books, a mug sitting beside him, a small smile dancing on his face. Chase was leaning against the counter, a mug of tea on the bench near him as he tossed a teabag at JJ. Marvin was perched on the other side of the bench, magic flickering on his fingertips.

Jackie stared at them for a long moment, rage slowly filling him. How dare they be so happy. How dare Jack laugh and enjoy those who he had damned to die. How  _dare_ they.

Then, the door opened and everyone turned to see Jackieboy enter the room, grinning. They greeted him cheerfully, Chase tossing a teabag in his direction and Marvin sending a cookie floating across the room towards him.

Jackie couldn’t take it anymore. He let out a bellow of rage, slamming his fist into the monitor. This was all Jackie’s fault - if he had been stronger, if he had been better, if he had been able to protect his family this would never have happened.

And he would pay for that. They all would.

The monitor flickered for a moment, then snapped off, reflecting Jackie’s face back at him.

His eyes were glowing a slight green, remnants of his power and whatever magic JJ had used to send him back in time. His throat was slit open, blood still sliding down his neck. His face was pulled into a snarl of anger, his powers malfunctioning and causing him to flicker and glitch.

He stared at himself for a long moment, stared at what he had become. Lifting his hand, he watched his mirror copy as he pressed the hand to his neck. For a moment, he felt regret - he had become the very thing he hated.

But the hatred overcame that. It wasn’t his fault - it was the fault of his past self, it was the fault of Jack. And he would make them pay. He would make them both suffer - kill them if he could.

“Y͟our͟ f͏ąul͞t,” he whispered, his voice distorted by the wound on his neck. “An͘d͠ yo҉u̴ ͡wi̶l͞l p͞a͟y ͞f̕o͜r̶ w̴h͟a̵t̶ y̷ou'͢v̡e̴ ͜d͏on̷e͠ to͡ ͞me.̨” 


End file.
